all over the place

I've been thinking about this blog. I feel it has something missing. Kind of like there are things missing from my life. Since I'm not blogging anywhere else anymore, and if I'm expecting to journal whatever is meaningful to me, I'm going to have to write everything I feel like writing. I had other blogs for writing about other parts of my life, but it's too much time and trouble to go to three or four websites to journal. And I didn't go to them (or here) because I get intimidated when I feel like I *have* to blog everywhere. lol... so anyway, I'm only going to "blog" two places. Here, which is my all around blog, and everything baby which is mostly for stuff related to my son.

One thing I feel missing in my life is my magic. I've lived so mundanely the last several years. And I feel like I've lost the connection I had to my Divine. So I am going to be working on that, and posting about it. I have some plans for things to start on this weekend. I am even thinking of posting some step by steps on a few things in case anyone else wants to do some of it.

Another thing I need to work on is me... my attitude. How I express myself to some people. Sometimes I feel myself turning into Bitch Queen of the Universe and I don't like doing that. I need to stop that attitude crap. Putting negative energy out into the world is only going to bring me negative energy back, and goddess knows I don't need any more negative crap in my life.

I watched a documentary called "Jesus Camp" on netflix. I'd heard a lot of negative about it... how it was so extreme and stuff. And yeah, it was extreme and it bothered me how the adults got the kids so worked up into tears and stuff, and how some of the kids would spout some of their evangalistic jargon as if they were brainwashed. But I also was very familiar with it all... when I was the age of most of those kids in that film, I went to a "charismatic" church very like the one in the film. People at the church spoke in "tongues" and people were "slain in the spirit" and various other things that are common in such churches. Anyway, I don't mind churches like that, but it makes me sad that young minds are being closed so tightly at such young ages, without even the opportunity to honestly choose the path they are walking. Those kids have never known any other spiritual path, don't know anything about any other path... although, now that I think of it, any other path is automatically satan worship regardless of what anyone says... I remember that now. Anyway, there was one really ironic point in the film, that actually had me laugh out loud. The adult preacher had the kids worked up into tears and they were going on and on about something they thought was bad in their lives... doubt maybe? anyway, that had these ceramic mugs or whatever, and the kids were told to smash these mugs and it would be smashing their doubt or whatever it was that was bad in their lives. HELLO. Magic! Gotta love seeing actual magic being done in fundie charismatic church. I'm sure they wouldn't call it that, but hey, if I took a dish and wrote "doubt" on it, and smashed it, while in my sacred space, we call that a magic spell.

Speaking of remembering stuff from that time... Lets see, I went to that fundie charismatic church back when I was 14-16. (I hesitate to call it christian because I don't really think they are about Christ as much as they think) then I took a break from churching to have a boyfriend (yeah, I SINNED!) and then join the air force. I was stationed at a base about an hour east of Pensacola where my aunt and her family lived, and I visited them a lot. Well it was because of her that I'd originally gone to that fundie church, and she started trying to convince me I'd backslid and needed to return to the fold. She started telling me that I had demons in me, and that her church had learned out to exorcise demons. Now, her daughter, my cousin, was still a kid. Maybe 11? she of course heard all this too, and had terrible nightmares because of it! I mean SCREAMING nightmares! how is that right? Anyway, out of deference to my aunt, I let her drag me to the church to be exorcised. She told me when the demons come out, there might be vomit or ectoplasm or some shit like that coming out too. Pea soup! a la The Exorcist you know? LMAO.

Nothing happened.

But that was my fault you see.. the demons had a good hold on me and I wouldn't let them out either. The church people insisted that I needed to come back several times to get them all out because I resisted.

Whatever. I didn't go back. it was crazy! I mean, they were trying to tell me that the care bear my mom sent me put a demon in me. Not to mention (gasp!) the dungeons and dragons game I played. Oh, those were the days too... back when a D&D game could last for 48 hours. Straight. I miss that (well, not so much now... I don't have the stamina I did when I was 19 or 20)

Really. I loved my aunt dearly, but she was pretty gullible. It's really too bad that there are churches out there that tell people that crap.